Wednesday, February 18, 2009


It's official,(according to my latest poll) god is the energy of the universe and whatever we want. I am so happy that I can finally put that question to rest and move on with my life.

On another note, why does major league baseball seem so naive when it comes to steroids? I don't know about you, but I watch baseball to see 600 foot home runs, not pitching duels. If a little juice will make the ball go farther, why not? The argument is that steroids are bad for the person, and/or they provide an unfair advantage for the players who do decide to take them. The reality is that people make all sorts of bad decisions about their health, and they are allowed to, and should be allowed to. It's a Utilitarian idea, but if a person chooses to hurt themself, they should be allowed to, given that they don't hurt anyone else. If it's not steroids, it's going to be something else. Professional athletes no longer train naturally-I mean EVERYONE is on something. When I was playing basketball at Minnesota, I was on 4 different energy/muscle enhancers, and that was the AMATEUR level! It's a new day for professional sports, and if we want to be entertained, we may have to broaden our idea of what is an acceptable practice.

The world has become obsessed with being politically correct, and it makes me want to puke. We want to see highlights, but we don't want the athletes to do what it takes to get there. We want our athletes to be cool, but not too cool. Michael Phelps smokes pot and now he is the enemy of the state. I'm more upset with Phelps for being a spineless baby by giving an apology that was so rehearsed, forced and insincere that it made me wonder if there are any real heroes still out there. I would have loved for him to stand up and say, "Yeah, I smoked pot. I got high and I ate Doritos. It was awesome." Given, what he did made the police drop charges, which is nice, I just wish celebrities would show a bit more "chutzpah" when confronted with challenges that are issues outside of their normal range.

Jesse Ventura(who I had a 10 minute argument with over who won in a HS Football game between his Champlin Park Rebels and my Hopkins Royals) recently called out Bud Selig(MLB Commisioner), saying that he should be under investigation, just as Vince McMahon was in the WWE. (World Wrestling Entertainment) By the way, Bud Selig makes 17 million dollars a year. There has been so much controversy with this man, I think it's about time he gives some answers on how so many players got away with using illegal substances for over two decades. Accountablity I say!

Sports need a new hero. Someone who resembles Rocky in his "I come from the people" stance. Even hip-hip's cleanest man, Chris Brown, is beating women. Shit is ugly. But hey, no where to go but up!

In conclusion, we should regulate steroids to allow athletes to reach their physical zenith, and should encourage our public figures to grow a set and use them.


Friday, February 6, 2009

The Search

This whole searching for the grand meaning of life as a 26 year old is exhausting. When speaking with the brother via email, he said something that struck at home. He said that used to think that it would be a shame to die not knowing the meaning of life, but that now he is content to not know. It inspired me to hear that a man I look up to so much could alter his ideas as life goes along.

My views have changed as well. Some days it seems like the world makes complete sense, with interactions and nature flowing together as a harmonious symphony. These days are becoming more and more frequent as I continue to explore my independence. When the grand questions are laid to rest, we have the capacity to experience actual life. My mental focus for years was purely on things that I could not understand. I think about what drove me to think about the great "why" so much.

I was raised with the idea that I should do everything that I am capable of. What then, could be my limit as a human being? Most kids think about professions. I always wanted to be a prophet. Someone who was truly inspiring to millions of people, someone who made this world a better place for everyone. They say shoot for the stars, I was aiming for Heaven.

After I "came out" in such a public manner, I was confused for a long time. Not because of what I did, but of how I did it. Many people congratulated me and told me what a wonderful thing it was for me to do, and how I had helped them in great ways. These stories always put a smile on my face, and I will forever appreciate the kind words I heard from so many people.

However, at what cost to MY life? Yes, a burden was lifted from my shoulders. I was able to explore my sexuality, and found a more secure sense of self through it all. Also, I received a good amount of attention, and I must admit, I enjoyed taking a stance on an issue that was pertinent to my life. I guess it's alright. I guess I've opened my eyes to things I may not have seen otherwise. Fuck it, I'm moving on.

If I'm willing to sacrifice like this for things I want done, this world better get ready.

Much love,