I have done a good amount of preaching in the past about how important it is to recognize that you always have a choice. No matter what the situation, we, as cognizant people, always have options. It is when we forget these options that we become stuck. Stuck in abusive relationships, in dead-end jobs, in harmful patterns of behavior, just to name a few. Now, if we always have this choice to end harmful things, or to move onto better, why don't we automatically take the better route? I believe the answer to this question most often is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of being rejected(this is a big one), and numerous other fears are what hold us back from doing what we really want.
I had dinner with a friend last weekend, and she was telling me how she really wants to just get up and move. I asked her why she hadn't. She listed her job, her ex-boyfriend, her dog and her family as reasons not to go. As one who is much better at solving other's problems than his own, I went into detail about how none of those things were actually holding her back. She looked at me, and asked why I haven't left for NY or LA yet. (I've been talking about doing this for a while) I came up with similar answers, with money being my largest issue. Anyway, the more we talked, the more I realize I preach a hell of a game, have done a good amount with my life for being 25, but also that I have taken nearly a year since graduating from Harvard in order to plan out my next step.
I have a few thoughts/emotions regarding this realization:
1. I am embarrassed. I am living at my parent's house, I don't have a job, and I dream up a new plan for life every day, without taking the proper steps to make it happen.
2. I am motivated to get up, and get out. There is nothing more important in my life right now than to become financially independent. Where and when to be figured out later...
3. This time that I have had to myself since graduation/after my "coming out" was greatly needed...I was in an extremely confusing place, but have picked myself back up, and now have a greater sense of self, and a stronger self-esteem to move forward with. If you haven't seen "Meet the Robinsons", go see it, and read carefully the message at the end. KEEP MOVING FORWARD! I have stumbled, and I have fallen. I challenged the very core of my being, and in doing so, found the strength that I have always had.
Now, some people would not see my "coming out" as stumbling, in fact I've heard from many people that it is enlightening, and in a sense I guess it is. I lost friends because of what I did. Perhaps not the best friends, but friends nonetheless. I had to redefine(read:strenthen) my self in order to take accountability for my actions. I am blessed that I have been given the time to do all these things, and I cannot thank my family enough.
So, now I get to make a choice. I am lucky to be able to choose what I want to do with life, as we all are. I want to be in NY, yes, I want to be a part of it in the city that doesn't sleep. I also want to be in LA. So, I need a job that allows me to do both. I want to speak to people. I want to help educate the ignorant, and help lift this nation into the glorious nation that is the epicenter for world culture. A year was a long time, but it was needed. I am armed with my writings, my brains, and good friends who are sincere and who love me for me.
I am excited to make this choice, and will keep you all informed.
4 years ago