Thursday, January 1, 2009

Young Adulthood

18-25. The college years. The years when a person usually turns independent and learns the harsh realities of the "real world". Not for me. The last 7+ years of my life have been a fairytale. Unfortunately not the kind that ends when a prince meets the love of his life and we live happily ever after, no, my fairytale was more like Alice in Wonderland. Before college, things were easy, school, friends, sports, and it looked to get even better in going to Harvard.

Shit turned south as soon as I forgot what had gotten me to where I was, which was hard work, focus, and staying positive. When I quit football after my freshman year, I thought it was cool, and bragged to my friends how I had told off the coach when I quit. Since I wasn't playing sports, my focus shifted to destructive things that sent my life in a down-swirl. That is, until I transferred to MN. I may have gotten my athletic psyche back, but I got caught up in the whole atmosphere of being a college athlete, which seriously distracted me from the great goal of "finding yourself" which is supposed to take place during college. I gave into the primitive game of "Who's the alpha male?" and was actually pretty damn good at it. Just didn't give me that inner peace that I longed for.

Struggles after struggles, I could go on for ages about how "in my head" I was, and how normal social interactions and conversation were a burden, but I'd rather fast forward to now.

18-25 is in my past. It no longer exists anywhere except in my mind. I turn 26 in less than two weeks. Crazy how time flies, the last 7 were a blink of the eye.

I think I'd like to return to my own way of living, and find people who think like I do. This might take some serious change.

Much love,


Anonymous said...

it seems to me you've always been pretty damn good at epitomizing "The Alpha Male"- so glad to see that things may be changing for the better. I'm not sure that you're aware of the power you have over all those who you've come across in all your 26 years... some who you've actually been pretty cruel to, and some who would say that they're "afraid" of you. hopeful that you're finally able to put some thought into "finding yourself"... whatever that means... when were we ever lost??

Stephen Chapman... said...

Time flies and you find yourself nearly 40. God...

I'm not sure where the time went.

Thanks for reminding me!